Stones of Remembrance 2016 and One Word 2017

2016 found me more unhappy and depressed than I remember being in a long time. However, it was a better year than 2015, having highs and lows. I think I was unhappy because I stewarded life poorly, but at the end of the year, I am giving myself grace for we had lots of changes. A few days before Christmas, the Lord revealed to me my One Word, but because we get to that I want to mark down the stones of remembrance for 2016. As I marked them down, I realized that for every low, there was a gift and a high attached to it that I would not have if not for the low. Warning, this post is kinda long.

Lows

1. I wasn’t involved in ministry anywhere except at home.
2. I made the excruciating decision to continue homeschooling. I mark this as a low because it was such a difficult thing to do. I felt so lost and afraid.
3. I was depressed and often angry and crazy.
4. I have not stewarded my new friendships (see high #5) well as the year progressed.
5. I fell out of community. <–a big part of why I was unhappy.
6. Lisabeth’s first grade teacher had to take off the remainder of the school year for health issues.
7. Elijah’s transition to homeschool.
8. We struggled with homeschool friendships more this year.
9. I didn’t continue eating well and exercising.
10. I lost my accountability partner.
11. I decided I did not have time to spread myself in volunteering at co-op and at the elementary school.
12. I don’t interact with people enough when I homeschool.
13. I didn’t make time to write as I should.
14. Not being to walk in my new neighborhood and feeling lonely in the neighborhood.
15. Not vacationing.
16. Elijah’s third grade teacher died unexpectedly soon after the new school year started. This made me take stock of my life. If I died today, people would not say about me the things I wish they would. This was eye-opening to realize I am not living intentionally. This drove my decision to carry through in investing in neighborhood friendships.

Highs

1. I went through a course for writers to help them find their spark. (Low: I didn’t finish it.)
2. I had an accountability partner for the first half of the year (God’s provision for me in relationships).
3. As a result of my low of my homeschool decision, I participated in the beta group for a new spiritual resource called Unleash by Jolene Underwood. This unlocked my communication with God and helped me feel closer to Him.
4. The course and Unleash led me to learn about examen, a practice which is not Baptist at all, but that has been helpful for me. I did not follow it all year, but was recently reminded of it.
5. My homeschool low found me crying and vulnerable with one of the homeschool administrators, so I had the gift of her ministry of presence and prayer. She helped me move forward, and she was willing to advise me not to homeschool.
6. I made two new friends at church who understand my angst about church things. This led to a friendship with her daughter and my daughter.
7. We sold our home and moved into our new home.
8. We were able to enjoy more interactions with friends over the summer as a result of more space.
9. Elijah started homeschooling so I have two at home this school year.
10. Lisabeth had the same first grade teacher that her siblings had.
11. Elijah’s transition to homeschool was less difficult than Annabelle’s. Annabelle was happier and more confident. I could see the goodness of following God in this decision for her.
12. I got back into the habit of bible study (even though I wasn’t in a bible study group).
13. At the beginning of the year, I started exercising and eating low sugar. I was especially happy during this time. (I lost weight but gained a bit back.)
14. I volunteered at the elementary school library at the beginning of the year. I LOVED it!
15. I volunteered at the homeschool co-op when school started and enjoyed it.
16. I started teaching sixth grade girls at church.
17. Even though I was often unhappy, God allowed me to know myself better. It was a refining time.
18. I started walking again once a week in the evenings, but struggled with consistency.
19. Carpooling and being around other people’s kids.
20. Driving Lisabeth to school when able. (Having a shorter drive to school.)
21. Making caramel apples to give as gifts to get to know my neighbors.
22. Inviting my neighbors over for hot chocolate.
23. Piano lessons and getting to spend time with the teacher’s son. Just playing with kids and having little responsibility.
24. All the times I spent with our old neighbors and the valued friendship they are to me even though we seem to have little in common.
25. Being able to attend the HopeWriters Workshop, even though my words were stagnant.
26. I started a new business endeavor that I’d wanted to do for some time.
27. I got a ticket to LIT, a Beth Moore class, and I started studying her Entrusted. All in all this is evidence of the Lord’s love for me. His goodness and love toward me in particular.
28. I read the resurrection story with new eyes. I rethought about it this morning and saw how deep the Father’s love for me is. I am in awe of Him. <–I hope to write more on this.

This was a good practice for me to see where my deficits are and what I need to do to change. I LOVE people, and I haven’t made myself available to enough interaction with others. I like homeschooling now that we have established a good routine and the kids are somewhat compliant. I have regained my daughter back, which was the goal in the first place. However, as much as I want to continue, I don’t know if it is the best practice for me (even though it has done well for the kids) – unless I make strong changes. I need a homeschool community, and I don’t feel like I fit in well so far. However, given time I could. The problem is now that I tried this I don’t fit in real well anywhere, but I see easier avenues to connect in the public school arena. I need to see if I can manage to add back my bible study community and manage homeschool too, but I am praying for God to lead me.

Books I am Reading

As the year ended, I began reading two books that have been very valuable for the practice of thinking toward stewarding life well: The Gift of Being Yourself by David G. Benner and Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy. Living Forward even has you write two of your own obituaries: one for if you died today and one for the way you would want your obit to read. The Lord is using it to conform my life path. The Gift of Being Yourself is a short, six chapter read that is packed full of deep thoughts and heavy theology, and I will have to read it again to get all its meat.

My One Word 2017

In this my 40th year of life, I want to live happier, more hopeful. I was thankful that my words for 2016 were Yield Hope, as so many times I needed to both Yield and be Hopeful. This year as I studied 2 Timothy, I found my word in this verse.

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 (ESV)

“Timothy, run away from youthful desires. Instead, direct your passion to chasing after righteousness, faithfulness, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord with pure hearts.” 2 Timothy 2:22 (The Voice)