Looking in the True Mirror

I missed Monday because I was visiting my sister for my niece’s birthday. I was snuggling my 3 month old nephew and had a thought to share with you. I missed yesterday because I was exhausted, and I almost missed today because…first world problems. Good thing I had already started this one.

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As I held the baby, my daughter, Annabelle, was enamored with him. His soft skin, his total dependence, his cries for needs to be met – his image is perfect.

As I caressed his skin, I thought about how we all want baby skin – no wrinkles, super soft, sheer perfection. In contrast, my skin is calloused. Don’t you think that’s why a baby’s skin is soft and ours is not as soft? We’ve built up a thicker layer of epidermis for our protection and endurance in this world, and then we spend the rest of our lives using creams and lotions and having procedures done to make our skin be more baby-like.

I thought about his scarlessness, and me, I have scars. I have a scar from giving birth to Annabelle. I have scars from cysts removed and fears of the c-word (though I was young and somewhat fearless). I have scars from being in the sun too much – age spots on my face which signify that I am closing in on 40 instead of 30, and I like to wish these spots away and pretend that they are not there. I have scars from burns on my arm just this past year. I have stretch marks from carrying three babies in my belly, and my belly button is stretched out, the elasticity of my skin in that area gone. As I age, I will continue to change shapes, wrinkles will be added to my face, more sun spots will freckle my skin, my hair will continue to gray. A body rarely stays the same. Even a baby has birth marks – the evidence of the trauma of entering the world, the evidence that this world scars. Our bodies are maps of who we are, who we have been, and who we are becoming. Yet often, we are ashamed of the image our body presents to the world.

We are all lumps of clay, and the Maker, He is shaping us. It feels as though we are formless when we enter, but He is aware of our form and of who we are and who we are becoming. He places in each of us certain talents and gifts, desires, and passions, and this all just as created children. Then when we come into his family as adopted children, He gives us spiritual gifts. Some of us are geniuses, some are influencers, some are inventors, and some are story-crafters. Some reach their full potential and some never do, and maybe that’s because we don’t feel awake and alive yet. Maybe we’ve not been made alive and awake yet. Are we like Alice in Wonderland dreaming a great and fantastical dream or is it real?

Before the world began, there is only this idea that God was. He is “I am” – the constant, and the hint we have to who we are before the world began is that He chose us. In my mind’s eye, I feel like He had us created and with him, and then in time He sent us to earth, but honestly, perhaps He just saw us in our Today, and we were not there alongside him in Eternity before earth. He is God – not I.

But He blows His breath into us and says go, and a seed is planted in a womb, and our forms grow inside our mothers’ wombs. When He created man, He said, “It is good,” and it is not as though He did not know that we would fall and sin would enter the world, and yet, though He knew all you or I would do, He called us good.

There is this precious time in childhood when we are, and we are not ashamed. It is our Garden moment in which we are naked and need no covers. Then about grade 3, 4, or 5, we start to worry about our image. We no longer walk in who we are, but begin to walk in the image of who we want to be or who others think we should be, and the journey of self-image begins. It is when we start looking in all the mirrors. We need an image. At some point, we become the walking dead chained to all the earthly mirrors. We need a resurrection to be fully awake, fully alive so that we spend the rest of our days chasing Him with all that we are, whether you know who you are or not.

He has made You.

You are known.

His mirror says this,

O Eternal One, You have explored my heart and know exactly who I am;
You even know the small details like when I take a seat and when I stand up again.
    Even when I am far away, You know what I’m thinking.
You observe my wanderings and my sleeping, my waking and my dreaming,
    and You know everything I do in more detail than even I know.
You know what I’m going to say long before I say it.
    It is true, Eternal One, that You know everything and everyone.
You have surrounded me on every side, behind me and before me,
    and You have placed Your hand gently on my shoulder.
It is the most amazing feeling to know how deeply You know me, inside and out;
    the realization of it is so great that I cannot comprehend it.

Can I go anywhere apart from Your Spirit?
    Is there anywhere I can go to escape Your watchful presence?

If I go up into heaven, You are there.
    If I make my bed in the realm of the dead, You are there.
If I ride on the wings of morning,
    if I make my home in the most isolated part of the ocean,
Even then You will be there to guide me;
    Your right hand will embrace me, for You are always there.
Even if I am afraid and think to myself, “There is no doubt that the darkness will swallow me,
    the light around me will soon be turned to night,”
You can see in the dark, for it is not dark to Your eyes.
    For You the night is just as bright as the day.
    Darkness and light are the same to Your eyes.

For You shaped me, inside and out.
    You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath.
I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe.
    You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;
    Your works are wonderful;
I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.
    You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You
As I took shape in secret,
    carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb.
You see all things;
    You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;
Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;
    You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.
Your thoughts and plans are treasures to me, O God! I cherish each and every one of them!
    How grand in scope! How many in number!
If I could count each one of them, they would be more than all the grains of sand on earth. Their number is inconceivable!
    Even when I wake up, I am still near to You.

I wish You would destroy all the wicked, O God.
    So keep away from me, those who are thirsty for blood!
For they say such horrible things about You,
    and those who are against You abuse Your good name.
Is it not true that I hate all who hate You, Eternal One?
    Is it not true that I despise all who come against You?
Deep hatred boils within me toward them;
    I am Your friend, and they are my enemies.
Explore me, O God, and know the real me. Dig deeply and discover who I am.
    Put me to the test and watch how I handle the strain.
Examine me to see if there is an evil bone in me,
    and guide me down Your path forever.

Psalm 139, The Voice

For we, His people, are works of art. Me, you – yes, great masterpieces (Eph 2:10), and as He works the lumps of clay we are, we become. He continually making, remaking, and shaping.

He calls us, saying, O, sleeper, Awake!

Like Neo from the Matrix, we do, and we learn a whole new way of living, defying constraints through His power.

• Size doesn’t matter
• Ali MacGraw’s gray hair (click the link to her video from earlier in the year – interesting thoughts though I am not generally an Oprah fan and what she looked like with dyed hair)
• If Oprah asked me (if you only look at one – look at this one, also completes the Ali MacGraw convo)

This post is one in a 31 day series of posts called Image Reflections: asking questions of being. You can see all the posts by clicking here.

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