How Laughter is Vital to Marriage

Let me confess to you a simple observation: the topics in this series continue to get progressively harder for me to write about. (I know, I know – I ended a sentence with a preposition!) When I began thinking about laughter in my marriage, my mind went blank. Nada. Nothing. Dead space.

So then I asked my husband about it. He said, “Oh, that one will be easy – it’s the foundation of our marriage.” I said, “Yeah, but am I supposed to be funny or something?” Because my writing here is rarely that; I have a dry wit that doesn’t always translate well to pen and paper, but I wish I would be funnier here sometimes. I digress – it is true, Daniel and I love to laugh together.

A little bit of background about us: I am a laugh-er, he is a comedian.

Being one who was very socially awkward (I like to think I’m not so much now!), I laugh easily. It fills in the empty space and I have a unique way of finding almost anything funny. Laughing connects me to others, when I otherwise might not know how to connect. Give me a funny person and we will be a real pair.

Which leads me to Daniel. He is quiet, except when he’s throwing out the perfectly crafted joke or one-liner. He’s willing to say that awkward thought that you are thinking but won’t say out loud. And he happens to think I am funny too!

There are two things we’ve all heard about laughter:

1. Laughter is the best medicine
2. If I wasn’t laughing, I’d be crying

Not long ago, I read that laughter occurs to reconcile a tension that we cannot otherwise reconcile. I thought that was an odd definition. In the Bible, laughter is not mentioned very often, but when it is, it’s usually accompanied as a counterpart to crying and sorrow. I suspect based on the verses I read that laughing connects us to one another, while crying connects us deeply to God (the jamie harper theory).

Scientific research has found a link between the two as the same part of the brain is triggered when either are done, but laughter produces natural tranquilizers, pain relievers, and endorphins, which make you feel good. Apparently, one cannot laugh on demand, but only when the mood hits. Laughter connects in the same way that crying can distance us from others.

Ever noticed how in the movies when there is a really tragic event, there is perfectly placed comedic relief? I even used that with my son today. He was grumpy and didn’t want to get dressed. So I tinkled him until he laughed and his mood changed.

So too, this might be how laughter is vital to marriage and perhaps one of the best medicines in a marital relationship. Many a time laughter has alleviated the tension in our marriage and helped me to forgive and let go of hurts, even helped calm my nerves and created peace. Couples that laugh together will grow in their love for one another.

So here’s a couple of tips to add laughter to your marriage:

1. Play together. Do things with your spouse that are fun for both of you and will cause you to laugh. Laugh at your children together. Be intentional about adding things in or out of your life that create space for laughter.

2. Lighten up! Look for the funny in your mistakes and in your stresses. I used to get so frustrated as a young mom. I was frazzled. Then I crossed paths with an old classmate on the internet and she wrote about her stresses with humor, and reading her funny stories taught me how to look at the tension in mothering as opportunities to laugh. If you need help getting creative, read funny marital stories, so you can learn how to lighten up your own view of the stresses in your marriage.

3. Learn what makes your spouse laugh and do it! Goodness, tickle him if you have to – you just might have fun!

4. Think like a child. Children spontaneously laugh more than we do. Watch a child and take notes!

5. Do something whimsical and uncharacteristic of yourself unexpectedly. Dance in the living room. Sing a song. Do things to make yourself merry, and you will find yourself laughing.

Please visit the rest of the lovely ladies in the series: Kayse, Monica, Kelly, and Emily.

For more resources on this subject, visit this series from Focus on the Family.

Shared with the following link-ups: