Exposing the Root of Jealousy

Please welcome my new friend, Dana Butler, to kick off our series Out of the Dark, Into the Light.

It happened all the time, almost daily.  At the mall, the grocery store, the zoo.  It was second nature, like breathing.

It was jealousy.  But I never would have called it that.  It wasn’t outright or obvious or boiling inside me.  It was much deeper, further beneath the surface.

The trigger?  Other moms who had more kids than I had.  Which, by the way, weren’t hard to spot, since I only have one.

Fertility has been a struggle for me.  I’ve had miscarriages.  A tubal pregnancy.  We even lost the 2 girls we parented when we tried to foster-to-adopt.  And our current private adoption-in-process?  We’ve been on this road for over a year.  No movement yet.

Lately God has asked me to allow my dreams of having a large family to die.  I’m learning to step back and take a look at the bigger picture of what God might want to do in my life.

And, how His plan for my family and my future might look utterly different than mine.

I’m beginning to be okay with my story not turning out the way I thought it would.  Opening my clenched fists, letting go of my dreams and ambitions.

And God is yet again proving Himself completely trustworthy with my heart and my desires.

An interesting thing has happened inside me in this season:  I’ve noticed a massive shift in my heart-attitude toward other mothers.  As I’ve stopped grasping for what I don’t have (more children), I’ve begun to find in myself a profound appreciation and honor for those who do have what I’ve longed for.

The mom at the zoo with two kids under 5 and a baby strapped to her front.  The mom at the mall with the triplet stroller.  The precious moms in my own church family with 4, 5, 6 kids in tow.

These sweet ladies and others like them formerly provoked me to frustration, insecurity, even a bit of self-pity.  I masked it well.  I often hid it even from myself.  But jealousy was there, lurking under the surface.

When I did allow myself to see it, I hated it.  Hated that it had taken up residence in my heart.  I knew that somehow I had allowed it.  I prayed, told the Lord I was sorry, asked Him to take the ugliness out of my heart.

But nothing changed.

Nothing, that is, until I learned to trust and embrace God’s plan for my life and my future.  Even when I couldn’t understand His ways. 

And now?  Those ladies who would formerly have (completely unbeknownst to them) provoked me to jealousy?  They’re my heroes.  I deeply admire them.  I see how they continually bust their bottoms to serve their children, how they lay their lives down for their families, day after day.  Night after sleepless night.

And all I can say is, “Mama-friend, you are da bomb.”  I’m just in awe.

But you can’t encourage someone if you’re comparing your life to theirs.  You can’t uplift someone if you envy them.

Jealousy poisons the heart.

And the interesting thing is, you can’t just attack the jealousy itself and make it go away.  You have to look at the root issue.

The root of jealousy?  It’s a lack of trust in God’s wisdom, His heart toward us, His plan for our lives. 

We must let go of fearfully grasping for what we don’t have or wishing our lives looked different.  We must embrace contentment, and dive wholeheartedly into the life that He’s put right in front of us. 

And when we do?  We can expect Divine encounter around every turn. 

Because God lives in the now of our lives.  The present is where He waits to reveal Himself to us.  The present is where He offers grace, joy, strength for every. single. moment.  We miss Him when we try to live anywhere else but in the life He’s put before us. 

And we end up discontent.  And jealous of others whose lives (from the outside) look more appealing than our own.

Friend, God is inviting us into deeper trust.  Faith that His plan and purpose for our lives are perfectly designed for us.  That His heart toward us is extravagant.  That He really is committed to our ultimate fulfillment.  That His grand scheme for our futures is to bring our hearts to LIFE.

Wild joy.  Crazy freedom.  Radical contentment.  Utter fulfillment.

As we fully trust God’s heart toward us and embrace the life He’s put in front of us, jealousy will begin to fade away.  You’ll wake up one of these mornings and realize: it’s gone.

Leaving jealousy in the dust and diving into abundance with you today.

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By Dana Butler: husband to Stan, mom to Isaac, regular blogger, drinker of iced coffee.  Running around like an excited-beyond-words chicken with its head cut off… because after writing this post, the news came: Baby girl, due mid-June.  Birth mom chose…. US!   

Dana invites you to connect with her on her Facebook page, and at her blog, Moments and Invitations, where you can pick up her free e-book, Stillness Manifesto: A Call to NON-Action (Complete with Non-Instructions).  At her blog, Dana continues to chronicle her family’s adoption journey and provoke others to a deepened response to God’s moment-by-moment pursuit.