After my last post, I will share tidbits that I think anyone on the road on of life could use. They will be thoughts and opinions, lessons learned, biblical knowledge, or spiritual insights. I want you to imagine that we are sitting on a couch together or me a couch, you the love seat beside, and we are chatting. I have my favorite drink, probably a lightly sweet tea with a lemon. You imagine yours or grab it as you read. My feet are snuggled up beneath me, shoes off, as I chat in jeans and a t-shirt. There is a couch pillow or blanket on me as I talk.
You will get the best of me in these written words because when I chat my words get ahead of my thoughts. I sound scattered as I jumble them all out at once, and then stop to verbally edit mid sentence. Or I cut in and add things as you talk, hoping to relate to you. I listen intently to you. Sometimes, my spoken word is carefully crafted, but only when it feels weighty and I’ve mulled it over and considered it worthy to be spoken. Usually, I am quieter than loud. But on these days, when we come to chat and I to give here, I will speak. Feel free to cut in by leaving a comment below.
Mostly, I will start by imagining all the things I wish someone had told me. It is possible one did. Regardless, I ended up learning it the hard way. So many lessons sunk in after much time and then a light bulb. I am so far from the mark of Jesus. I can think of so many others better qualified to teach or train, but I could let sin hold me back forever. One way to defeat its staying power is to move forward, creating methods that help break its power. Praying and walking in the power of Christ does that for me. If we are not living our calling (or walking towards finding it), it is possible we are living more in sin and fear than in His freedom.
The first thing I would tell my younger self is this:
Perfectionism is fear
This younger version of me hasn’t met the real Jesus yet. You are a legalist, a perfectionist, and these systems of sin management keep you from the beauty of Jesus. To you, He is a set of rules and regulations. You are not graceful, and your opinions are strong. You have wisdom to be developed, but you don’t understand what you think you do.
It is easy to make judgments of your parents crazy ideas because you see the world in black and white. It is hard for you to fathom why they think abortion could be okay under certain circumstances. You know your granny is a fearful woman, who only learned to drive when you were in middle school and never learned to swim. You know yourself to be like her, but you do not imagine that your perfectionist tendencies are a form of fear. A fear you’ve had since you were a girl and you wouldn’t dance at the slumber party for fear of looking stupid (which was the point by the way).
Perfectionism is fear of messing up in front of others and it keeps you from really living and loving life. Perfectionism is people pleasing. Lou Priolo (biblical counselor expert) says that perfectionism is one of the worst sins because it is having a standard that is higher than God’s.
Jesus frees us from Perfectionism
I met Jesus, and I think he laughed at me because He knew I would be a tough cookie to crack. What did He do straight away when I give Him my heart? He made me face fear by sending me on mission. I became addicted to the adrenaline.
Then He took that high away and sent me to the desert. Again, He made me confront my fear, and He stripped me from my perfectionism and let me fall on my face over and over again. He rescued and saved me by letting me mess up when I never had.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 (ESV)
Perfect love casts out all fear. It removes the chains of legalism and perfectionism and gives abundance. Because perfectionism is a tough sin to crack, sometimes, it takes a long time to remove. I haven’t considered myself a perfectionist in many years. My personality is not Type A, but still, I find myself living the effects of my perfectionism and Jesus still carrying me through as He removes my standard and gives me the yolk of His lighter, freer standard. (Matt 11:28-29)
I was such a perfectionist as a young girl. The 4th of 5 children (and the middle girl) I always felt unheard and unseen so everything I had to do had to be just perfect. I didn’t know then that it was fear, because I hadn’t come to Jesus yet. I’ve come a long way but can still get caught up in it at times. Nice to come sit on the couch next to you this morning.
I grew up the oldest. Oldest kids tend to have a bent towards perfectionism, but I had other circumstances that made me lean toward it as well from a family standpoint. Also, I think it was just a part of me and my personality. 🙂 Always grateful for you, Barbie!