A story for when you feel forgotten and unseen. Yesterday morning, I confessed to my friend that I felt forgotten, passed over, and a little jealous. She said she’d felt a little bit of the same. We’d both listened to another friend talk about her opportunities to minister.
My friend reminded me that the Lord sees us, that He sees me. He had already been speaking this over me.
I’m halfway through my Master’s program on Christian spiritual formation and leadership at Friends University, assuming I can continue taking all the scheduled classes. I started it because I desired to learn more about spiritual formation, a passion of my heart. Still, I also started it because I wanted the program to give me credibility. I wanted to be taken seriously.
My cohort and I are taking the History of Christian Spirituality over the summer. One requirement of the class is that we formulate answers to questions and post in a forum where classmates respond.
Last week’s question asked about the role the church played in the formation of virtue and character in people and society, as well as the challenges of the church for doing the same today.
One of my classmates responded with a question about platform building, including a type of false community. I offered my response from what I have personally experienced as one who wanted to write books and get paid for it. I formulated a response, including my thoughts about thought leaders in the church and hinting at platform building in church. Here’s some of what I wrote:
I have been one to try to build a platform so that I could publish a book. The whole thing kinda seems funny to me now, even though I would still like to write a book or books someday. I will likely go back to writing more on the internet one day, but I got convicted that I needed to live out what I believed first.
Seeking a platform is exhausting, like a game I don’t want to play. In a sense, I was looking for community. I wanted to be known and have others comment back so I could understand them. Instead, more were interested in consuming. I think that will always be the case online. The communities there can be genuine, yet they can only go so far. We are not meant to live virtual lives.
When I think about someone like Emily Freeman, who has a large following online, her platform works because she has a real community that she is invested in outside of online. However, she also engages as much as possible in her online communities. But all of us are limited. None of us can know 10,000 people. We don’t, on a given day, know 1,000 intimately. When anyone builds a false sense of community around themselves, it will fail in so many ways. They will fall off the pedestal, and their community won’t be able to give them what they need when they fall. Several of these leaders have risen quickly in quirky niches and cannot sustain the growth. We are just not meant to live that way. The ones who stick with it well are centered on Jesus.
When I think of Beth Moore, someone I admire, she shares out of her time with God, not sharing to grow a platform. Sharing online needs to be done as an overflow of what God is already teaching you.
Jesus’s way of community always works.
My classmates seemed to think it was thoughtful and that I’d done much “soul work” in this area. This surprised me, to be honest.
Over the years, I’ve walked next to many people who’ve gone on to do great things. For example, years ago, I led one of the Hello Mornings small groups online. Back then, I was definitely on the struggle bus in life and in this group. It did not seem as if I could get anyone to tell me that they’d done their quiet time or anything. I would write all kinds of encouragements, and still, very little response from my online group. I felt like a failure.
Later, I would find out that one of my group members was forming another online community, and she and her friend would go on to create She Reads Truth. You read that right – one of the founders of She Reads Truth was in my online Hello Mornings group!! I most certainly know that she does not remember me now. She has 50K followers on her Instagram page and helps run a thriving business.
I’ve never been jealous of her, but this often happens with people I interact with. While I don’t usually see jealousy as the main struggle, I have been tempted to think about my own purpose against theirs. “Will I ever feel as if I am living out my purpose?” may run through my mind.
This morning, I opened a card from Lori. Lori and I are writers. I’ve known her online for roughly ten years; now, she is also my classmate. Her words pierced my heart. It was as if God knew that I would need a word of encouragement, and He’d provided Lori’s words at the ready.
As students, we’ve written individualized Rhythms of Life, and Lori’s includes writing cards. I’m tempted not to share Lori’s words because they are so personal, but I think they will be helpful in understanding,
Dearest Jamie!
You’ve been on my mind this week. God has called to my mind all the years and years we have known each other – I wonder if our truest selves have known one another through all the words we have shared? You are kind, Jamie. You embody quiet, steady wisdom. You feel deeply, but you are not ruled by emotion. You are faithful. Your posture is meek, humble, bent towards service. Your presence in any room guarantees that love will live there. May Jesus be tender towards you and you towards him this summer. May you feel fresh wind in your Spirit.
What caught my eye was the word “faithful.” It’s easy in our culture to think that small does not matter, that faithfulness does not matter if no one notices. I know that sometimes Master’s degrees don’t make you more credible or valued or send opportunities your way. When options dry up, it’s easy to feel small, unvalued, and sometimes unseen. When you feel that way, you may wonder if your work matters, if anyone cares or sees. You can lose focus.
This week, God reminded me that He comes alongside me to help me refocus and remember that He is for me. He absolutely does see me, and this, I think, is all that matters, as long as I am doing my part in being faithful and living out what I believe. I wrote this story so that you could remember it too. You are valued and cherished. God notices. Likely, He is not the only one.
Love,
Jamie
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