What I Learned this Spring

I have found my blogging legs wobbly, so to retrain them, I thought I’d write about what I learned this spring.

1. Death Always Precedes the Glory.

I was reading an Elisabeth Elliot book and writing a bible study on Romans 8. By writing, I mean I was living, observing, thinking, and growing on my own before I ever put pen to paper to actually write the study. During that time of writing, Elisabeth Elliot’s words in a little essay called, “The Ultimate Contradiction” wakened my heart to a truth I’d never noticed before. Death must happen in order to find our glory. Writing the Romans 8 study has been beneficial to me in numerous ways I am excited to teach, but this truth is the one I am most excited about. It is funny because I when I went to Allume a few years ago, I heard a similar message that I pondered forever, but I never quite figured out why I loved it so.

2. Implanted Truth makes a Person New.

This one is probably obvious to Christians everywhere. I have come out of a rough two-year season of misery and a type of death in my inner self to a season of spring and growth. I knew this truth in one sense already, but this embodied truth feels somehow truer, as if I will now weather the storms differently. The truths I’ve learned as I’ve studied Romans 8 have revived me. It is quite strange to walk around and know that you are a completely different person, while everyone else sees you the same. Yet, it adds hope to my own life story.

3. I am a fan of period BBC TV shows.

This is weird not to know this about yourself, but when I found Call the Midwife, it was if I realized how much I loved watching dramas from other time periods. I particularly love to watch Masterpiece, which shows on public television here but is filmed primarily in the UK. I love that it feels like Great Britain has a handful of actors that they cycle through regularly like old friends. But The Office (not a Masterpiece show) is better in America, even if Martin Freeman was in the British version.

4. I am the Same Me No Matter where I am in the World.

I have wanted to do world traveling for some time, so when I did earlier this spring, I was surprised at how I felt about it. I was afraid that it would open up old, familiar, and painful desires. While it did a little, mostly I felt at home in the world wherever I was. This is an odd feeling. I didn’t travel with my family; I traveled with new to me friends who were mostly strangers. For many reasons, I was mostly the odd ball, the only mom, the only midlifer, the only one to have never traveled overseas. I didn’t find a pressure to explain my quiet presence. I just was. I was content to be. I was also afraid that the stress of the unknown would cause me to unleash my inner stress beast which would be embarrassing, but it did not happen. God was faithful to care for me.

5. Perseverance is worth the cost.

I traveled on a plane for 15 hours and did not die of a blood clot. Also the plane did not crash or mysteriously disappear or get shot out of the sky. {yes, you may laugh here. :)} As one of my travel mates writes, it was as if we were living in the days of Acts. I got one of the biggest blessings of my life by getting on a plane. Let me tell you, I actually did not do anything but show up. I kept walking when my legs wanted to give out. I kept shivering when I was cold. I kept being thirsty physically but my spiritual thirst was satisfied watching the wondrous things I saw. I might go so far as to say that the only reason I can discern I was there was for God to say “I love you too” deep in my heart.

Apart from that, writing a bible study can be tiring, but it too has been so life-giving.

6. My Kids need me to Show Up

After I made the decision to stop homeschooling next year, in my actions, I threatened to stop homeschooling that very moment. Homeschooling requires you to be all in every moment of the day. The hardest moments of homeschooling were because I didn’t want to show up or do the work, which for me simply meant being a presence for my kids as they worked. Homeschooling for me demanded that I sit in the room with my kids. I couldn’t do the chores. I couldn’t multitask. I had to be present and sit still (by that I mean content). It was a very difficult task for me at times. When I didn’t show up, all in, great difficulty ensued: disorganization, chaos, and longer school days. I learned to apologize and start again. This mattered, even if I only had a few days left to school and the end was near. My kids needed to see me mess up and try again.

7. I May Never Fit In, but It Does Not Mean I Don’t Belong

I am a pretty strange bird, and as much as I like to think I am liked, I don’t usually feel that I am. One lesson from Romans 8 is that I belong in God’s family. Belonging in God’s economy should translate into daily life, meaning I belong in other areas of life.

The start of summer threatens my insecurity – bathing suits and pools and inability to hide parts of myself that have hidden all year. When I went to the pool for the first time this year, I realized how much of a pep talk I had to give myself to simply get dressed. Being at the pool was no different. I felt like a country bumpkin in a world where bumpkins were not.  Insecurity threatens to bring out the shy Jamie, often interpreted as the unfriendly Jamie. This is body image insecurity translated into a sense of lack of confidence and belonging. It is funny how it all ties together and trickles down.

Despite all these feelings, which were things I’d made up in my mind – not belonging, I have a place where I do belong, and knowing that changes how I relate to others. Even if I only change my insecurity problem slow and steady, bit by bit. First by putting on the suit, and then by continuing to show up at the pool instead of sinking into the imagined hole in the ground. Maybe one day, I will be in the inside of the circle instead of sitting at the edge, confident because I know I belong.

8. God’s Word Gives Me Strength

When I tuck God’s truths in my heart, truth strengthens me in all areas, like finding belonging at the swimming pool in the point above. Did I just learn this? No, but I am learning it again.

What did you learn this spring? What on my list resonated with you?