girl sitting on fountain © by labdog2010
Do you ever find yourself just wondering? I have been struggling lately, and I want to be transparent with you and tell you how I am struggling, but I find it hard to do here in cyberspace. What if I accidentally talk about someone else or some one thinks I am talking about them? It is a hard place to share out here in blog world honestly and transparently, and yet we see it all over the blog world, a call to be transparent and real. If somebody out there is reading this and knows how to do this, can you please tell me?
So this post may just be a bunch of questions. A little bit of sharing my head with you. Because I don’t know how to be real while maintaining my integrity too.
I struggle with friendships. With all of the sicknesses going on at my home, I’ve been cooped up. I found myself unknowingly playing the comparison game and wondering why I was not loved as much as another. I found myself sharing my struggles and feeling like I was unheard, unnoticed, and that no one really cared about me, and certainly not as much as so and so. I’m not sure why some people are naturally more loveable than others. I suppose I am not as outgoing or as giving or as something. I begin to get caught up in wanting to be something I am not, in wanting God to have created a better version of me. Do you ever do that? or am I the only one? It has never worked for me to say I need encouragement. My words come off as harsh demands instead of the lonely hurt that I feel.
I think of the ways people have pointed out to me that I don’t measure up. I begin to believe those things are true. That I ignore people. That I am not kind or compassionate. That I am trash. I begin to stop saying how I feel and how low I am and pretend that I am good and fine, in hopes that if I pretend, then I will be noticed. It doesn’t usually work that way though. Either I am too needy or people don’t believe I am needy enough.
Ultimately, I begin to disbelieve that I can trust God to give me what I need in relationships, in life, in whatever. And truly, I don’t understand why and how God distributes his blessings. “Does He not love me too?” my mind begins to ask.
Christ came to set me free from all these questions. I must apply His truth to my life. I must trust Him to give me what I need, to do in my heart and life what only He can do. Sometimes believing is the hardest work there is to do.
“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24
Today I say Lord, I trust you. I do believe your words over me.
“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?” Psalm 13:2
I struggle until I submit my thoughts to you, Lord, and even then, I need constant correction.
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Co 10:5
What thoughts are you struggling with?
I know exactly how it feels when you start to believe the lies. They’re so powerful and they shout so loudly!!! But you’re right- you must take every single thought captive! Don’t give the devil even a moment’s attention. You are exactly the way God made you to be, dear heart, and that IS enough!!!! 🙂 Rest in Him today. Trust…
I know exactly how it feels when you start to believe the lies. They’re so powerful and they shout so loudly!!! But you’re right- you must take every single thought captive! Don’t give the devil even a moment’s attention. You are exactly the way God made you to be, dear heart, and that IS enough!!!! 🙂 Rest in Him today. Trust…
“because I don’t know how to be real while maintaining my integrity too” . . . one of the main reasons it took me years to take the plunge into blogging . . .
i KNEW i wanted to be transparent. it’s one of my biggest passions in life. but i also knew that vulnerability would present this predicament of how to maintain relational respect & integrity in the process. and you know, i never overcame that obstacle. but i DID hand it over to the Lord.
i just decided that i would let Him lead me each post of the way. that i would trust Him to give me the freedom to share, the discretion as to how to share, yet also the wisdom to know what not to share. again, one moment/post at a time. so when He led me to blog, He called me to walk in faith with this concern rather than have it all figured out. (and He knows that faith walk stuff is far less comfortable for this planner type!!). 😉
so i encourage you to bring your questions to Him, your concerns. bring it all.
and as for the “I begin to get caught up in wanting to be something I am not, in wanting God to have created a better version of me.” oh yes, dear soul — i DO understand. i really understand. you are definitely NOT the only one. thank you for your courage to articulate it. may you continue to rest in His voice of truth.
Thank you for taking the time to respond here to my question. You’ve given me great advice and wisdom. Thank you!
oh i’m so glad if God used those thoughts for your journey through these often-murkey waters. those two concepts of bringing it all to Him, & trusting His leading for each individual moment, are ones that He continues to warm my soul with through blankets of application throughout so many areas of my life. blessings to you this week, jamie.