Rambling Saga of Me

Photo credit: SFB579 🙂

Sorry to say that I am “behind” on blogging. Not sure what exactly I’ve been doing, but I’ll try to give you a recap somehow or another and share some of my favorite links this week.

First of all, I updated or changed my “Word Packages” page to an “About” page. In the process of writing and rewriting my blog’s purpose statement, I got overwhelmed. 🙂 In my childhood, I was Type Aish, but in my adulthood, I am more like my mama. No offense to my mama (she doesn’t read regularly), but I didn’t want to be the forgetful type, the lax Type B that is truly more me, I suppose. I imagine that some of you that know me maybe think I do a lot of things, but if I do even more than 3 things in a week – I stress out.

So I got to worrying and fidgeting over the blog and I froze, drowning in fear, and thinking maybe I should just give up and quit. I haven’t felt that way about the blog much this past year until recently. I mean doesn’t everyone in the blog world write better than me, and does anyone really need my voice in all the beautiful noise? Those are the untrue thoughts I think. And I haven’t felt overtly creative lately. However, God gave me a voice and a love of writing, so whether I am just one voice in a billion, that’s okay, right?

I worried over what my blog should really be about and who it is for. I had an in real life non-bloggy friend give me wise counsel that everything cannot be nit-picked and worried over in writing a purpose statement. Isn’t grace about everything and doesn’t it carry to all people? I realized my blog, however I write it, is intended to give the gospel. To tell the story of grace. And so it is written to all who need to hear. And as I write my heart in more of the ways I like to write, the purpose will come together. It is for women. sometimes men. For believers in Christ, and those yet to believe. I can’t narrow it down just to mamas or married women, and I need the freedom to write however I write, about myself, my family, or a devotional on grace.

Lately, in the blogosphere, which I stay up with slightly, there is talk of God-sized dreams. My greatest God-sized dream is to change the world, maybe using words. Somehow I want this corner of the internet to do BIG things for His glory. Another God-sized dream is to go on a mission trip. I really feel called to Uganda. And this week I went to a team meeting for a Ugandan mission trip, BUT the timing was not right at this time. I spent a good bit of the week fretting over this. However, opportunities to go do seem to abound this year, so maybe, just maybe, this is the year I go international. Pray for me and my family?

On the effort of intention – well, I tried to do all things at once, and that never works out, does it? But I gave myself grace and realized that I am making progress in a few areas. First, I am dressing better, and I wanted to provide myself with self-care. It used to seem so selfish, but self-care actually lessens the lies my mind tells me and keeps me grounded in Him. The body is the temple of God, and when I read descriptions of the literal temple, it was ornate and detailed, and I reckon God would not mind me becoming more me and a bit more ornate for His glory. I realize that some of you struggle in the opposite way – obsessed with appearance, so I share this in hopes that it does not discourage or hinder your walk. Second, I visited several friends I haven’t seen in a while, and I wanted to pour more into people in real life. Third, I started doing the undiet – the Plan by Lyn-Genet. I dropped 6.2 lbs in 3 days. I like this plan, and I got to eat chocolate today. Fourth, I let myself be somewhat influenced by Ann Voskamp, somewhat influenced by Beth Moore and began memorizing the book of James. You can join me on ScriptureTyper here. So far I’ve gotten to verse 4. If you see me, ask me to say them for you.

So – I am behind on organizing my home. And therefore, I feel like I am not the greatest mama in the world, because my home can eat up the time I want to spend with my kids. I also realize that Girl Scout cookies stress me out because I am not Type A about my daughter being in Girl Scouts, but know that Annabelle is Type A and would totally flip out if she realized that I almost caused her to miss out on selling the cookies. Did you know that God’s grace even covers Girl Scout cookies, and I got a second chance to sell them? The enemy has tried hard to get me to believe that I am not a good mama, that I should not waste efforts on the gifts God’s given me, but the enemy has been overcome!!! I’ve noticed myself pouring more into my children, which is more what mothering is about, whether the house is perfectly clean or I am still a scattered-brained, right? Intention must be met with grace or it becomes too characteristic of the law and legalism and those are not things I’m interested in.

In other news, I have several new opportunities to minister coming up: a small group leader at the women’s retreat, being an AC for Hello Mornings, and possibly leading and semi-writing a bible study at church. I continue to work with a women’s home co-leading a bible study. I worry that ministry pulls me away from my family and not toward it, so I am trying to be mindful and intentional about how I choose to minister while still using my gifts.

Here’s a few lovely links I read in the last couple of weeks:

1. On Dreams and Motherhood
   
2. Cutting Myself Some Slack
   
3. When You are Weary of Vanilla Christianity
4. He Still Waits
5. A Brene Brown video, seen here: Click on page 2 of videos and then on Brene Brown – Jesus Wept.
6. This Oprah video (not a fan of hers, but this is good): Gonna shut your mouth

(My friend Mere will notice how much she’s influenced me these past few weeks. Thanks, Mere, for sharing some cool stuff!)

P. S. Stay tuned for Acts. It will come later this week.