How to Give when everything says Give Up

I will be back next week with Reforming Church, but since this week is VBS, I will give you a glimpse of that.

*****

 The good church girl is not supposed to say that next thing I am going to say: I dread the week of VBS. Oh I remember how when I was a girl, I loved it. Back then we still pledged to the Christian flag, the American flag, and the Bible. There was an order to it that felt like school and learning (it is where I learned the books of the Bible and more) and less about entertainment, but I am not here to dissect the ways and whys of the current state of Vacation Bible School.

As an adult, serving children hasn’t always been my favorite thing to do. I remember how as a middle schooler and teenager and young 20 something, I had every intent to remember how to be childish and feel like a kid and reach them on their level. I grew up, got a job, and for 5 years, VBS was something I did not participate in. Then on the cusp of motherhood, I began again, and I soon learned the miry ways of motherhood, and I forgot how to be a kid. I really did.

In motherhood, I became old and tired, and it felt like I was giving every part of me just to being and learning the ways of being wife and mom. But I served in VBS anyway, each year. Last year being my year of shmita, instead of teaching kids, I wrote a newsletter and devotionals for the workers. It was my favorite act of service for VBS, because it was the most me. So this year, when the ladies started asking me to teach, I was resistant. I knew my limitations – my energy levels and health being a factor. Shmita being over however, I knew I would serve in some capacity. I would say yes, for shmita Sabbath lasts for a year, not stretched out into never serving or working.

When I got to church on the day before the day that VBS started, I remembered why I always feel so…different. Here I am – a woman who feels uncomfortable in a woman’s world. In this world where teachers rule and paper bulletin boards are hung, I remember that it was me – a girl who majored in engineering – a boy’s profession – and felt mostly at home there, I have no ideas for cute bulletins and decorating – it is not my skill-set. Tell anyone that I was an engineer – only for 5 years mind you – and I am always and forever defined by that. It’s a title I never wanted to have. But now as I see myself, I see the truth of that title for me. And yet, I let it limit me.

I do as I am told to do. I hold the paper up high. I hang the paper, I make the cuts in the paper, and tape the papers to one another to make a city skyline. We improvise, and I am utterly clueless with ideas. I must take direction, and for 6 hours we work on the room. We set up partitions and hang the decorations, and it seems like we are doing all. the. work. so. slowly. and yet, I feel spent when I am done. We talk about how bad it looks. We think of scrapping the whole thing, and I fight to keep it for the sake of all we have done. I go home to write the newsletter and read the script for the coming day, and fear I have no idea what to do. Every piece of me wants to give up when it is not what I am gifted to do.

I pray, “Father, be the strength I don’t have. Work in me when I am weak. Let this be utterly unto You, for I am empty.”

It is all the empty moments of VBS that cause me dread, not the children. The energy loss. The constant motion. I want a job in which I don’t have to give. I sign up to do the newsletters, bring the food, and help in missions. Giving will be required. I will forget to sit down, and I will stand until my back aches, and I will be tired when I come home, and then I will cook and write some more. And my giving will only be a fraction of the giving that others will do.

How do you give when everything says give up?

I always talk about giving out of the overflow, and giving out of the overflow of all that He is, is definitely how to give. Very often, there comes a time to give out of your scarcity. Giving all you have left to give. What if the rich give all to the poor, and the poor give all to the rich, and together we become sacred life givers to one another? We give like the widow giving her mites when all we have left is emptiness.

There was this Jesus God-man, He gave until He gave up His life for you and me. He gave it all until it hurt, He sweated blood, and was wounded by whips, and sinful men condemning Him to the death. He could have stopped it all, giving nothing. But He gave everything. He is the how to our giving now.

This giving, this emptying out, is a sweet aroma to our Lord. This giving all or nothing shows our love for the Lord. How to Give? I give by loving. I give because I was loved first. I give because I follow the ultimate Giver. He gave His all, so I will too. Only by spending time with Him and stretching deep into Him will I know how to give. To give like Jesus, I’ve gotta first know Jesus and be Loved by Him.

I am reminded by my friend, Dana, that sometimes the giving is the resting and the giving up. Don’t assume that giving means being more or doing more, the striving. The giving is the blessing. I just want to remind you that sometimes our giving is the seasons of rest, like shmita.

How and what is He calling you to give?

photo credit: IronRodArt – Royce Bair (“Star Shooter”) via photopin cc