His Uplifting

We interrupt the regularly scheduled posts on Rooted to give you this post instead on His uplifting.

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Coming into the homestretch of the conference, I experienced a lot of spiritual warfare.  Things that I had made peace with were weighing me down.  I was battling strange inner thoughts that I had apparently not overcome yet.  The final days of writing made me feel a little crazy.  In the last group meeting with the leadership team at the beginning of January, the women surrounded Nikol (my co-laborer) and I and laid hands on us.  I felt like the women praying for us probably felt I was crazy, but that was just another crazy thought.  After they prayed, I began experiencing relief from the attack.

I was very high-strung when I went to bed that night.  Often to settle myself into sleep, I will pray.  One verse Nikol and I talked about over and over again for the retreat was Zephaniah 3:17, which says, “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.   He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”  I asked Him to tell me what he was singing or saying over me as I slept that night.

The next morning  things started happening.  I think I may have cried that morning.  I felt so, well, I felt like I was sacrificing too much.  The previous week was spent in finalizing writing and in giving up time with my children I did not want to give up.  In reality I was not neglectful of them.  My hubby was with them when I wasn’t and when I was at home, I was hanging out with them.  But I felt guilty and Satan was using that.

I was taking Elijah to preschool and a Brandon Heath song came on the radio.  I am a big Brandon Heath fan, and his music has special significance to Nikol as well.  I had heard this song “Your Love” numerous times, but this particular time, these lyrics grabbed my ear, “You know the effort I have given, and you know exactly what it cost, and though my innocence was taken, not everything is lost.”  Of course going on to say that His love is the only thing that matters and that is lights up the darkness.  Wait!  What?  Did Brandon Heath just minister to my heart?  yes.

I grabbed my phone and “randomly” twitter opened and not just opened, but opened up to a tweet by Michael Minot which said, “You shouldn’t think, ‘I’m not fitted for what God’s asking me to do.’ Instead, your special talents make you the only one that’s just right.”  Part of my problem was in believing I have special talents to make me the one that is just right.

I dropped off Elijah and then purchased my bible study book which was Beth Moore’s study of James.  I went home and felt led to read the introduction.  At first I read Melissa’s acknowledgments, which said of her mom Beth, “I’ve learned how isolating and lonely writing can be, and I’m amazed by how happily engaged she has remained despite years of cycling in and out of writing projects.”  And then in the introduction, Beth spoke of wanting to quit writing this particular study due to something she was struggling with but that she stopped and read a book.  Her words were words to my weary soul, “Have the courage to live under strain and pain to be part of a better story.  A larger story.  Don’t wimp out.”

In the meantime, I had received an email from our women’s ministry leader, saying she’d felt led to send us a link to the Passion conference where John Piper was reading God’s words over the students.  She felt that these were God’s words over Nikol and me. I went to the link and John Piper was reading Ephesians 6.  This is the chapter in the bible about spiritual warfare.  As I listened to him read, he said this:  “Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains.  Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”  Louie Giglio asked the students whether or not God had spoken to them.  Then he said something to the effect that the devil is going to try to make you believe that God did not speak to you. These were words I needed to hear.

Remember the night before I had prayed for God to show me His words and thoughts over me.  These were the words I received. They gave me the strength to keep going.  To keep believing.  To step out into the light.  {I just couldn’t believe I needed to be in a spotlight.}

Amazingly, two sweet friends later sent emails in the days leading up to the Awaken Conference.  The first friend’s email included Beth Moore’s words that spoke to me.  The second friend’s email included the verses in Ephesians that John Piper had read over me.  I had told neither one about what had happened this day.  Coincidence?  I think not!

God sees.  God cares.  God uplifts.