How to be Hospitable to Quiet People, or what quiet people are not

Today, I am writing about how to be hospitable to quiet people. I am seriously fed up with all the wrong misconceptions about quiet people or perhaps about me in particular that I thought I would tell you what quiet people are not. If you know these things it will help you to keep from misstepping when making introductions or assumptions about quiet people, and therefore, you will be able to give better hospitality to someone who is quiet.Here’s the deal. One can be quiet and not necessarily be the following:

1. Shy.
   • Yes, in my lifetime, I’ve been a shy person, but I do not characterize myself as shy. I am not shy. To be shy is to feel anxiety about being around people or having to speak to others. I have known what it is to be shy and to be socially awkward, but I am not shy now. On most normal days, I don’t feel fear about who I am. I accept myself as introspective. The truth is I am very slow. My thoughts and processes don’t come as quickly as maybe yours do. I am quiet because I need more space to process life. I am quiet because I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), but not all quiet people are HSP.
   • Hospitality tip: To call someone who is quiet, “shy,” is not a compliment, so be careful about equating the two.
2. Voiceless.
   • I might be quiet, but never fear, I have a lot to say, and I am not afraid to say it. I am, however, slow to speak. I am thoughtful about what to say. This is mostly due to being an introvert. See #1 – I am SLOW.
   • Hospitality tip: Ask a quiet person their thoughts, and give them space to process the question.
3. Unassertive.
   • Ask me to take another assertiveness skills class, and you will find yourself crying as you find something hit you in the nether regions. Being quiet does not make me a doormat. It makes me a strong fighter. It makes me able to knock your arguments to the ground (of course this is all after I’ve thought and thought some more and figure out all of your loopholes, and my arguments are much more rock solid than yours, because hey – it will take me some time to get there, but when I do, your argument will have a rough time standing). 😉 Of course, there are times when I see fit to be submissive. Submissiveness, however, does not mean doormat. It means I’ve fought a fair fight, and I want to do what is right by the situation. Sometimes winning is being in the lower position. Sometimes, quiet people are just considering the people in the room and what move to make as if playing a game of chess.
   • Hospitality tip: Don’t assume that the strongest person in the room is the loudest or even the most intimidating. Quiet people can be quietly intimidating. They may just assert themselves into a situation differently than others.
4. Snooty or “Perfect.”
   • People often assume quiet people are stuck up or better than others – that they think they are perfect. The fact of the matter is most people are highly aware of their sins, faults, and imperfections, and quiet people are no different. In fact their strong ability to be highly sensitive and self-aware gives them the advantage of quietness in the first place. They know they are a whole lot less than perfect. Often, it is their perfectionist nature that keeps them quiet to begin with. Once a quiet person embraces their imperfections, you will find that they speak up more.
   • Hospitality tip: assume that they understand that they are not perfect. Be the first one to be vulnerable and show yourself to be a safe person to share with, and you will find a treasure of a friend in a quiet, contemplative person.
5. Weak or Meek.
   • Give me a break. My strength does not come from how much I speak. Besides, even if it did, in my weakness He is made strong, so who really cares if my quietness is a weakness. I will boast all the more about it, so Christ can be lifted high like Paul said, and then I will be strong. Being quiet can be your greatest super power.
   • Hospitality tip: Don’t assume quiet people are weak people. Don’t underestimate the power of quiet. Don’t talk about people’s tendencies to be quiet as if they are weaknesses.
6. Losers.
   • I think I’ve already proven how quiet people are winners, so please stop assuming otherwise.
   • Hospitality tip: The Golden Rule – treat others as you would want to be treated. We all want to be winners.
7. Wise.
   • Man I would like to claim that I am always wise, but just because people are quiet does not mean they have wisdom. Most people who think they are wise really aren’t anyway. They are proud. There are quiet people who are wise, but not all quiet people are wise people. Not all wise people are quiet. Some wise people are loud. The two traits are not synonymous.
   • Hospitality tip: Don’t flatter a quiet person by calling them wise unless they’ve proven themselves to have wisdom.
8. Quiet.
   • I would not be surprised if the quietest person you know is the loudest person internally. At least for me, I am always talking inside. And, the more you know me, the more I will talk your ear off. But I know that not all quiet people have a stream of internal thought. Some people literally are simply quiet. However, don’t make that assumption.
   • Hospitality tip: Give a quiet person time and space. Be a safe person, and you will find  you may have to tell them to stop talking.

What traits and tips would you add?

P.S. I’ve had a time of not being able to write, so even though this post is out of character for what I write here, I wanted to share it because it is something that came out. Hopefully I will be back to writing weekly very soon.