For those grieving during the holidays

For those grieving during the holidays

Eight years and six days ago, I received a life changing call. In one moment, I learned that my dad was in a New Orleans hospital. His co-workers had called my mom and she did not answer. Working at the same company as my dad, his co-workers called me in hopes that I could reach my mother easier. I heard the dismay in their voices, and I understood that there was something they were not saying. I sat on the couch and fear gripped me, but like so many do when life is on auto-pilot, with my husband’s help, I stayed calm, and began dialing my mother who I never reached until much later. I called my dad’s co-workers back, and they proceeded to hand the phone over to the doctor, and I heard the words,”There was nothing more we could do.”

Last week, a friend of mine lost her best friend to a brain aneurysm. A husband lost a wife, and children lost their mom.

Today, I went to Lisabeth’s Thanksgiving feast. I stood in a room of six 2-year-olds and listened to moms and dads make chitchat. As I listened {because I am mostly a quiet observer}, I heard a mom begin to empathize with the teacher. My daughter’s teacher lost her daughter at the beginning of the year. When the mom left, all I had to give was a hug. I intentioned the hug to fill in the gap but in reality the teacher will believe it was to thank her for teaching my Libby.

When I left school today, I received an email saying that a former co-worker lost his wife just days ago. Though I don’t know the details, I can only imagine that the cancer consumed her, and this Thanksgiving he’s planning a memorial service. When Christmas arrives, I will not receive her cheery newsletter.

With the exception of my PaPa, death in my life has faithfully fallen in the fall, as the leaves are turning bright and the trees are becoming bare. This year Thanksgiving falls on my dad’s birthday. I know what it is like to grieve during the holidays, to be forced to change tradition and to grieve its loss as well.

How do we give thanks in the grief? When we want what we no longer have – a loved one’s missing presence at the table?

First of all, know, sweet one who hurts, that Jesus is near.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

He has not forgotten you. He sees your pain. He hears your cries, and even though you cannot feel His arms around you, I have no doubt that they are there, holding you, keeping you.

I know you didn’t want to receive this kind of invitation to meet with Jesus – not yet, not today, not in this way. You don’t want to see Him right now sitting in that empty place at the table, and yet there He sits, uninvited. You are standing on holy ground.

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” Job 1:21

“For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.” Job 5:18

If you are His child, then at some point, you’ve tasted the sweetness of Him. Like one given a special gift, you get to taste His bitterness – the bitterness that caused His suffering on the cross. This is your invitation to praise Him when you don’t feel like praising Him. When you are angry that you’ve lost your loved One. When it hurts so bad you don’t know if you will be able to get up off the floor with the tears you’ve shed. Maybe you don’t want to hear that His ways are higher and you don’t want to hear again that He will do a good work through this, because this does not feel good.

“we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:2-4

How does one rejoice in the suffering? How does one remember the joy that He gave when your heart is filled with sorrow?

Truly this may be a sacrifice of praise – a time when you are giving something you don’t know if you even have it within you to give.

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.” Hebrews 13:15

Maybe the only thing you can say is Jesus. Whisper His name – Jesus. Cling to it.

God Himself has suffered, is suffering, and will suffer for you. He suffers alongside you, and you are not alone. Because of His suffering, Jesus Himself will help you praise Him again. Through the sacrifice of praise, might we find our joy? Our steadfast hope in Him? For when we are done with our grieving His joy awaits and makes us stronger (Neh 8:10).

Pray this prayer: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:10-12)

Offer all of you to Him, the good, the bad, the ugly. Romans 12:1 says, “I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.”

I know you have questions, and frankly the answers may never come. But, He wants you – every single bit of you, and if you are grieving, He wants to hear your questions. He wants you to bring Him the pain. The more we trust Him with the hard dark times and questions and emotions, the more we trust Him period. How tender and merciful He is to us, even as we question Him. He wants to be near to you in your time of need.

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

As you cling to Him from moment to moment, day by day, know that He provides for you!

He is the GREAT I AM. He is able. He hears every cry. He is with you! He is your comforter, and O, how He loves you. He is in control and every single thing He allows is for His glory and your good because of His great and unfailing love, whether you feel like believing it or not. It is true still.

Words to Cling to:

• Psalm 40
• Isaiah 43:1-7
• Isaiah 61
• Jeremiah 31
• Psalm 86
• Psalm 42-43
• Isaiah 40
• 2 Cor 1:3-7
• Ps 119:73-88

I intend to build a community of grace dwellers and clingers. If you are visiting today, won’t you consider leaving a comment to encourage someone hurting today. Especially if you’ve experienced loss and grief in the past, could you please share the verses of hope you clung tightly to during your greatest suffering, and if not verses, consider sharing how God comforted you personally during your time of need. Maybe you have a holiday story to share. If you find this post at all encouraging, please share with someone who you know needs to read it. May His name be magnified!