Perfect Love – Falling for Jesus

Almost every little girl loves to dream that she is a Princess, and she dreams of the day she will meet her Prince. As a Christian woman, I have met THE Prince – the One and Only, who sweeps me off my feet like no other. I was eighteen when my relationship with Jesus began to blossom. He became my best friend – my all, my everything. Our relationship grew when I entered college. I was always painfully, awkwardly shy. My life verse for that point in time was, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (or fear), but a spirit of power, of love, and of self control” (2 Tim. 1:7, NIV).

Despite my social awkwardness, I served as a summer missionary twice and my love for Jesus grew deeper. During that first summer, I was so close to Him that I knew in my spirit when His Spirit was moving in someone else’s spirit. I can honestly say that I prayed for every person I encountered every day during that time. But at the end of the summer, I heard God speak to my spirit, “Follow me and you will receive.” At the time, I frivolously thought He meant I would receive my spouse if I followed. I did not realize that I was about to enter a season of great darkness.

Though I know that God’s presence did not withdraw from me, this period of darkness in my life felt like God had deserted me. I continued praying. I continued reading my Bible, but I could not find the intimacy with God that I enjoyed. My prayer was Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” During this season, I truly hungered and thirsted for Him. But the more I searched for Him, the more I doubted. I had made some bold claims about God in my past, and now I wasn’t certain of any of them.

Beside the spiritual darkness I was in, I was also going through a lot of trying times with my relationships too. I was a single woman in my mid twenties, and my parents were considering getting a divorce. They were Christians, but they were having serious challenges with worldliness and were encouraging me into worldliness too. My best friend did not understand the darkness I was in, and she and I had a great rift in our friendship.

I felt that everyone I had ever depended on had failed me, and I was devastated and in great despair. I kept feeling God’s Spirit whisper within me, “Have faith in me.” But then I would get into deeper despair because I knew Hebrews 11:6 says, “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.” I desperately wanted to please God but my faith was waffling.

One night at the lowest of the low, I begged God to speak, to send a messenger, to do anything to let me know He was alive and cared about me. The next day a co-worker emailed me a verse that her bible study group had found the night before. It was Ephesians 3:16-19, which says

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (NIV)

At that moment, I knew that God was alive and He still loved me. I still had more darkness to go through, but that moment brought some light and some hope. Until the season of darkness, I realize I had never known that God is really all that He says He is, and I had never understood how much He loves me. He gave me the faith I needed even when I did not have much. When He told me to “Follow and I would receive,” He meant that I would receive Him and His fullness!! I was tried and tested. I failed and all failed me – all except God – who is true perfect love, who never fails. He is the One constant love – my Prince, who quiets me in love and rejoices over me with song (Zeph 3:17). He saved me from the despair and He can save you too.