Imagineering Fearlessness

Fear – it hounds me and surrounds me. Forces me into the corner and makes me feel small. Maybe even holds me captive.

• In high school, it’s the fear of being found incapable.
• In college, it’s the fear of not having the resources.
• In singlehood, it’s the fear of always being alone.
• In working, it’s the fear that I’ll be under this weight this thing that shackles me down – approval, loss, tyranny of the machine.

When I become a wife and mother, God does His weightiest work in me to set me free. It’s not til then that I realize how utterly selfish I am, how trapped in my own me-ness that I am. Still am most days. Fear of letting go and losing faux control.

I find that there are some parts of my heart I didn’t even realize were still wrapped in fear. It’s the one thing she prayed for me at Allume – not to be wrapped in fear. Actually she prayed this verse, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:8). I wasn’t really excited that she was praying this, and I knew in my spirit my pride was keeping me from really hearing what He must be saying down deep to me “You are afraid.” Fear I felt I’d ditched. Those years in college when I prayed countless times, “For God does not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-control” (2 Tim 1:7), I thought they were over. I’ve found the fear is still there.

My one word is Imagineer, and I didn’t choose it while thinking of kicking fear to the curb exactly, but to embrace a dream is to punch fear in the face.

During Christmas break, the family and I go hiking at Red Mountain Park. It’s our first time there, and we see on the map that there is a Skyhy Treehouse. We take the trail that will lead us there. I am not expecting Skyhy Treehouse to be a cable suspension bridge that leads to a landing in a tall tree. A landing several feet (felt like hundreds, but Daniel says no) off of the ground. My biggest fear is one of falling from a great height. It is not the height itself; it is the feeling that I could fall at any moment. Maybe that is how it is for everyone with a fear of heights.

Elijah runs to the view. Daniel follows close behind, and I stand on the edge with my daughters, my fear driving my oldest to also be afraid. I don’t want my Annabelle to learn my bad behaviors. My genes have already given her enough of me to overcome. Daniel walks back and then the girls walk with him over again. Annabelle overcomes her fear, and I am glad and force myself to be brave. To overcome so that bravery becomes is what I teach.

I get half way, and my mind begins to surrender to the fear of the view at the end of the journey. What if the view sweeps me up and knocks me off my feet and takes my breath away? What if I could only stand with my feet glued to the landing, knees knocking, and I couldn’t get back? But as I walk back and forth, my hands on the ropes or the cables, I know God is telling me He is gonna cast out some fear. That it takes casting out fear to pursue dreams. Dreams He’s placed in my heart.

My goal this year is to hike the Red Mountain Trails as many times as it takes until I cross the bridge and stand on the landing. I know that sounds lame to most of you daring types and silly to those of you who have no fear of heights. But I know you have something you fear too.

A couple of weeks ago, I texted a friend back and forth, and the conversation ended this way, “That’s the thing. People think they know you. But I know you are a scandalous lover of the Lord.” Maybe no one knows me as the scandalous lover that I hope I am because I let fear keep me tied down. To that, I say no more.

Can you even imagine your life free of fear? What would it be like if we imagineered fearlessness? Kicked fear up, out, and as far away from this life as we could?

When I imagine my life completely free of fear, I envision a life so rich that it draws others to my Jesus like a moth to the flame. A life lived unabashedly free with crazy abandon because I know I am held by Him wholly and completely. I imagine words written with a holy courage and passion that fans the flame of knowing Him, where I am free to write boldly because no fear of man exists. A life lived alive. What if dying for Jesus means jumping off the ledge of our fears, letting go, and trusting that He will catch us as we fall? In dying maybe there’s room for Jesus living. Maybe this is what it means to die to self. To let go of pride and perfection and let love have its way with us. What kind of person backs away from the passionate life? Maybe it’s only a fearful one.

A fearless life is impossible without fear of the Lord. A fearless life is always accompanied by a reckless love that lingers on our skin, our breath, our sight and moves us into the unknown. It caused Noah to build an ark. It prompted Abraham to go seek the promised Land. It called Moses to confront Pharaoh, and David to fight Goliath. These imperfect people feared the Lord and lived fractions of this earthly life fully alive on fire for God, with a holy passion – a holy passion I think we who are Christians long for.

When I was a student at Auburn, I lived moments of fearlessness, and I’ve tried to invent them ever since. I realize that the reason my heart was on fire when I was on mission was the fact that I was fully living, fearless and free. Mission and ministry fans my heart flame, sets me ablaze and makes me hold my breath, His pouring into me, exhaling the passion, the living – the Light we desperately want to shine.

“I keep walking with Him, and He keeps leading me to places unknown, and I keep changing and growing stronger because He usually carries me. We walk to the edge of the ledge, He holds my hand tight, together we keep jumping, and at the bottom, He keeps catching the fall – deep into the places where Brave goes.” me from this post

Leave me a comment so I can pray for you to be fearless and free.

Will you be brave with me?

How will you let His Love move you?

What makes you come fully alive? Fearless and free? How do you envision your fearless life?

Linking with: Michelle DeRusha, Laura Boggess, Laura, Inspire Me Monday, and TellHisStory.

Image Credit: Creative Commons gtall1 (I adapted by adding text and cropping.)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.