I’ve gotta level with you, friends. There is a circumstance in my life that has caused me intense wrestling for many years.
A couple of weeks ago our pastor spoke on Hannah and how she finally laid her desire for a child down and gave it to God, and when she did, she went away happy.
As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.” “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.” Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast. 1 Samuel 1:12-18
I want to be in that place, where I let go completely, never picking it up again, never holding on to it, with my face no longer downcast. Hannah vowed to God that if He gave her a child, she would give it back to him. She had no son and she was going to gain no son, because she was going to know that if she birthed a son, he would never be hers.
I’ve read and studied the story. Hannah bore Samuel and as soon as he was weaned he went to the temple to live. So he lived at home with Hannah 3 or 4 years, and then…. she got to see him on special holidays, feasts, and festivals, or if she came to the temple?
If Hannah was attempting to barter with God, which I don’t think she was, she got the raw end of the deal. It seems to me that she was saying, “You win,” and surrendering all of her desire to have a child to God. Though she wants a son, she is willing to give the son up, in return for the acknowledgment that God has remembered her and heard/seen her grief and anguish. He is faithful to remember her and gives her a son.
Now, Jacob was the one who wrestled with God, and my name comes from his, meaning, “deceiver or supplanter.” Often, I believe I deceive myself. I finally finished memorizing the first chapter of James and in the first chapter, I’ve learned that there are (at least) five ways to deceive yourself, when you:
- doubt God, especially pertaining to things asked for in prayer
- believe that God tempts us with sin
- believe that sin brings life
- listen to the word without doing what it says
- do not keep a tight rein on your tongue
After thinking about those things, I think when Hannah prayed to God, she believed earnestly that He would grant her prayer. She didn’t know what God would do, but she did not doubt that He could or He would answer. She knew too that if He did answer her prayer, she would be giving away the thing she most wanted to Him. It is as if she said, “God, I want a child, but not as much as I want you.” Do you know God always answers prayers for us to know Him? That is always part of His will.
I ponder Jacob. As He wrestled, he kept battling until God weakened him, but he didn’t let his weakness stop him from continuing to wrestle with God and man. He insisted on a blessing. In the end, he received a weak hip, but also a new name and the blessing he asked for.
The more I think about it, the more I think Hannah and Jacob were not very different in their wrestling. Only Jacob won the battle with God, and Hannah surrendered her battle with God. Hannah traded her weakness for strength and Jacob traded his strength for weakness, because his strength did not compare to the blessing of the Lord. A weakness was worth gaining His blessing. It seems to me that whether you pick a battle with God or He picks one with you, whether you overcome Him or you surrender to Him, you always win when you wrestle God. Because at the end of the battle, there is always a blessing. The only way you lose is if you turn to your own solutions and devices giving up the fight without surrendering to God. Either way, keep wrestling until you win (through overcoming or surrendering) and be blessed!
In what ways are you wrestling with God?
Share with me in the comments section – I would love to pray for you.
Shared with Michelle for Hear it on Sunday, Use it on Monday and Laura at Playdates with God.
Photo credit: Creative commons user, Joel Bombardier
Dear Janmie
I think both Hannah and Jacob wrestled with God and was delivered from that which consumed them so much in the flesh: Hannah was consumed with having a child and Jacob with using his own strength and plans to bring God’s plans to pass. When they were finally delivered the final death blow to the flesh, God could fulfill His plans for their lives.
Much love from Playdates.
Mia
Oh, Jaimie, I love both of these Bible stories. The story of Jacob wrestling with God is rather special to me. I think I will walk with that limp until the next life. But I have never quite conceptualized it the way you have here–that whether you surrender or overcome, this is the better than turning to your own devices.
Such a good Bible lesson. You are such a good Bible teacher!
Love this! God took me through a season of very serious wrestling a few years ago, and that story of Jacob became very precious. So true that there is always a blessing at the end of the battle!