Well, this morning is the perfect day to write about perseverance, because I wake up feeling behind. Since coming home from Allume I haven’t made a lot of life headway, and my daughter started asking me about forms to turn in yesterday. When she does I think to myself that the forms are in a big stack on my desk that I cleaned off and has recluttered itself almost as fast. My mind is still trying to process Allume and as much as I’d like to slow down and think, life goes on.
I feel the angst rising as I clean of the desk, fill out paperwork, read overdue report cards to be turned in. I see the pile of dishes in the sink; I am grateful my husband’s unloaded the dishwasher so I can fill it again. Just as I always do when overwhelmed, I feel enslaved, chains shackling me to the life of never finished. I know the thought will be fleeting and brief but it always rises in the stress.
There are stacks of papers and my counter overflows with more paper and groceries who haven’t yet found a home in the cabinet. I have to find the minute details of my children’s Halloween costumes (you know swords and an amulet and such) in the sea of stuff in our home, and I think I have so much cleaning and tossing and rearranging to do. As if my son senses my dismay, he finds his weapons to go with his costume, and I think at least one thing is done.
I carry the kids to the dentist. Our appointment is at 7:30 am, and it is 10am before I sit down to type at the computer. We rush from home to dentist, from dentist to school, from school to home to pack a lunch, from home to preschool, from preschool to grocery store because I forgot the butter when I went yesterday, and from store to home. My thoughts are rushing tumbling – a myriad of them overwhelming my senses. Things to do, things to write, and words to remember to convey.
This morning I’ve braided Annabelle’s hair Laura Ingall’s style, and as I drive to school I remember the last time we braided it like that, she was 4 and dressed for preschool as an Indian. I think this because it is preschool community helper day, and I’ve not managed to dress Lisabeth like anything. I worry that I am not a good enough mom, that I’m not slowing down enough to enjoy the moments I have. Does slow and steady really win? It must because when I felt hurried and rushed, I can’t breathe, and I want to stop. The thoughts of where have the days gone suffocate. Three years has quickly flown, and the clutter on the counter still overwhelms and drags me down.
Life is a race and I am a simplicity fraud. This is one of the thoughts rolling about deep. I worry that if this life is preparation for the next life, I am doing something wrong.
This would be true if simplicity was just about living simple, but it is not.
On the one hand simplicity is complex and takes a lifetime to figure out what the Kingdom really is, but on the true hand, simplicity is simple, and I’ve made mountains out of mole hills. It is easy to allow the idea of simple living to weigh me down, and I hope this series has set you free to be rather than made you heavy with to-do’s. I wanted to share some practicality, but early on a friend wrote me and gave me the freedom to write things spiritual in nature – reminding me that it was more me. And so it is.
Simplicity is seeking the Kingdom first, and the only thing that is super evident to me is that today I have not. Seeking the Kingdom does not enslave, it sets free. Kingdom living however is hard in a world not of the Kingdom. That’s why perseverance is required.
In these moments of self-induced stress, I am tempted to give up, and yet the fact that I am winded, stressed, frustrated, means I must keep going, because freedom comes when I reach for His hand. Today as we end our series on Simplicity (and yes I’ve extended myself the grace to skip day 30), it feels like we’ve only scratched the surface of what Simplicity is. A lot of what we’ve talked about takes a life time to figure out, do, and change.
As I write, the thoughts stop, the weights are lifted, and Jesus is breathing life into the weary places of my soul. This life I live is a piece of cake compared to the suffering many Christians endure. Certainly my stress is nothing compared to His suffering on the cross. So I throw off the weights of the world, so I can begin to suffer legitimately. {Hear me: there is a difference between kingdom stress and worldly stress and my stress was worldly, making it illegitimate for Kingdom living.}
Wherever you are on the race of seeking the Kingdom, Simplicity living, may you endure the race and keep running toward the goal. Persevere and carry on! 😉
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
P.S. I made it!!! I finished the 31 day race and only missed one post! Woot.
This post is one in a series of posts of 31 days of Simplicity. To read other posts in the series, please click on the icon below:
Photo Credit: Sharon Mollerus
Thanks for sharing, Jamie! This got me right here—“Just as I always do when overwhelmed, I feel enslaved, chains shackling me to the life of never finished.” When did my life become one of never finished because I feel those same things. And it’s funny you said that because at the end when you talk about seeking Him first, I remember one particular time someone interrupted my rants about how hard it was to finish anything and how stressed I was with a reminder to seek God first and honestly, I was really annoyed at first. But she was right, because we’re all simplicity frauds at times. It’s hard not to clutter our lives with things, good things even, like providing for and spending time with our families. But yes, if we’re not connecting with God, we’re just flailing about. I’ll have to go revisit your series. I’ve barely had time to read any but I know there’s a lot of good stuff written this past month.
Thanks for visiting and reading my post, Alia! We met briefly at Allume at lunch on the last day I think. Anyhow, I too have had a hard time reading other blog series while writing this one. If you come back to read, I hope you enjoy! Thanks for sharing that we are all simplicity frauds sometimes. I’m not alone!!
This is great, Jamie! I can definitely feel your stress. I’ll have to take a look at the rest of your series. Thanks for sharing your day with us.
You are doing especially good to have only missed one post. I am about a week behind. But I decided to finish my series on out so I am going into November.
oo, now that my series is finished maybe I can browse around – I will have to check out yours. I’m glad we met via TW. So fun.