What Happens When Intention Brings Pace and No Rest

I have stopped and started a lot of posts, and I find myself just wanting to hold back my words for this space. Like I am not sure if I would be able to encourage you right now, and maybe I’ve given myself that responsibility when it wasn’t mine anyway, but this is what happens when intention brings pace and no rest.

I’ve read too much Jeff Goins and looked at too many blog friends stats to know that taking a break from blogging is not a good idea. But I just have to do it.

To be honest, I have both followed hard after God, and I’ve followed hard after the things that looked like God. I could not tell you which things that are or were not of God. I just know I’ve said yes too many times. I knew better than to do it, because I know rest is found in Him and through saying no and creating boundaries.

For each thing I mentioned below I truly thought I heard Him speak and tell me to do it. That is until I read a passage in Brennan Manning’s “Ragamuffin Gospel,” and I found myself wrecked. I don’t have it close by me, but it is where he shares the story of the mom who “feels led” to go to the women’s shelter to volunteer but doesn’t want to put her kids in childcare to do so. He tells her that this leading is simply her flesh wanting to do.

My soul has not stilled, not really, since I read that passage. Because what if I am her?

Whether I missed His voice or not when I said yes to the many different avenues, I am in a season of too much.

I am my son’s kindergarten room mother. Granted, this is a slow season for room mothering, thankfully.

I just spent every extra hour of free time writing homework for Beth Moore’s Deuteronomy lecture series, where I am facilitating it at church (this is a first of sorts for me).

I am an AC for the Hello Mornings challenge and failing miserably.

And then there is the blog. I don’t put near the amount of time that other bloggers put into writing, promoting, tweeting, facebooking, and networking. I don’t know how to do all of those things plus the activities I mentioned above plus writing blog series plus being a normal wife and mother.

Oh yeah, and I completely forgot to mention the bible study I help facilitate at the women’s shelter downtown. Irony, anyone?

I have met my limit. And I am tired. And I need you to forgive me for running steadfast toward all of the good things and none of the right things or something similar or vice versa – hopefully you get what I am trying to say. Because I didn’t sleep last night. Maybe 15 minutes before time to get up. And in taking on all of these extra things, I’ve taken you for granted. I don’t know how many of you read regularly. I have 29 email subscribers, and if you are like me, that does not mean that you read all of your emails. But you, 29 you, you really are precious to me, regardless of whether you always read or only occasionally read or maybe never read. Updated: all of you subscribers whether email or rss or whatever are valuable to me.

Yesterday when I was checking the homework I’d worked on, I was looking at the faithfulness of God to send the autumn and spring rains in Deuteronomy. I thought of the Beth Moore James study, and I asked myself the question, “What if God sends too much rain?” Perhaps it was my soul’s attempt to get my attention.

Because at the end of the day I want to quit just about everything. So I am going to draw in and lean on the Father, for real this time, which means I am taking a break from everything I can for a while.

Intentional – Perhaps, I’ve tried to be too intentional and not intentional enough about what’s really important. Forgive me?