How to make your husband a spiritual leader

There are times when I am able to watch myself – to see myself as an observer would. To see how I decide to put the chains of righteous living back on my arms and stand waiting for others to take on their good works beside me. Sometimes I see glimpses in my marriage.

When we were first married, my husband was a new believer in Christ, and according to Christian verbage, I helped “lead him to Christ.” He did not grow up in the church, and he did not learn the terms and ideologies and the “shoulds” and “should nots.” Sometimes I catch him saying things in a way that I doubt would be the acceptable “church” way to say things, and he says them not as one unknowing what he says, but in freedom to do so, whereas I am quick to understand the “rules” of the church and the church-y culture and sometimes I want him to comprehend it the way I do.

Very often I’ve tried to conform him to this way. Me. Conform him. Why would I want to take something so lovely and chain it to the ugly? Recently, I was able to glimpse myself as I listened to him speak and wanted to correct him. Instead I heard a still small voice whispering, “This is the way of grace,” and I remained quiet, learning from the teacher-husband God’s gifted me because he holds a sense of purity I don’t have: no lists of “shoulds,” no list of “should nots.” Simple adequate faith. And I am reminded to get off my judgmental high-horse, and thank the God who gave my husband to me. I find freedom when I no longer have to conform someone to my image and I get out of the way of the work God is doing, in ways I cannot comprehend or see.

All is grace, and the gift of my husband is an example of His amazing grace.

When I was younger, I had the audacity to tell someone that I could not date him because he was not a spiritual leader. It sounded all good and spiritual, but it was still a way of hiding, an “easy” way to say, “No.”

So when I married my husband, I was in some ways a hypocrite. But in others, I just a girl who liked a boy.

Because my husband was new to the faith, many Christian friends did not think it was the good and right thing for me to do. I wanted this man to be my husband, but I was terrified that I was breaking the acceptable rules of how good Christian girls get married. I had a deep sense of shame, and truly, I had done nothing wrong.

In some ways, I thought when my husband got saved, he would be perfect, and I had on the rose-colored glasses of legalism, assuming that if we followed the rules and read our Bibles every day, our lives would fall into the good little Christian girl way of life, and daisies and roses would appear at my feet as I walked along the path, as with Giselle from Enchanted. As you can imagine, marriage was harder than I thought it would be.

It is true that a girl further along in her faith who marries a man new to faith is somewhat unequally yoked as far as spiritual maturity goes. But is was 100% wrong for me to assume that my husband would be a spiritual leader when he had more depth of knowledge than me or when he served in the church more than me or even when he prayed more than me or read his bible more than me. These things were simply me trying to take my self-righteous chains and place them on my husband to gratify my self-righteous nature and my need to be a Christian good girl.

However, my husband becomes a spiritual leader when I submit fully to his leadership, just as he is. <—Tweet this.

I stink at spiritual submission. Never would have guessed, right. 😉 When I submit to whatever level of spiritual maturity he has and give up the reigns of control, he grows into more maturity. It causes him to depend on the One. Wives and husbands have the authority to correct one another in love, and boy, do I ever correct. I’m tending to see, though, that sometimes learning comes when we allow someone to fall and help them shake the dust off when they get up. While grace adequately corrects me, it also lets me fall and helps me up when I do. Grace removes chains, even the chains of self-righteousness, and helps me submit to my spiritual authorities. Perhaps more importantly to me, it helps me grow in depth of insight and love for others, and especially for my husband.

Grace – I will spend my days learning the unfathomable depths of this word and my ravaging Father’s love.

How is grace transforming your marriage?